Dear Professor Brad,
I am writing this letter of introduction to formally introduce myself as one of your students in your Technical Communication class. My name is Lam Chi Yang and I am presently en route on a journey to obtain a degree in Telematics (Intelligent Transport System Engineering) in the Singapore Institution of Technology(SIT).
I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Automation and Mechatronics System(AMS) with option in Aerospace Systems and a Diploma Plus in Mechatronic Application Skills. I have decided to carry on with my studies after 2 years of National Service in the Naval Diving Unit(NDU). It was at the end of my National Service that I realised I wasn't actually prepared to step into the working world as I do not know what to work for as there isn't any work that is related to my course of study back in Ngee Ann Polytechnic.
I have decided to pursue a course that is much more specific on an area with a little bit of background knowledge from my Diploma like Telematics as it has a way to communicate with vehicle around it to make it autonomous and ensuring the safety of the people around it. As I have been in a traffic accident 2 times, I have the desire to make this world a much safer place so we can reduced the amount of traffic accident on the road hopefully to to as close as 0. On the side note, autonomous vehicle will be much more benefitial for those people without a driving license.
In terms of communication skills, it is actually one of my weakness as I always have a hard time with how I present myself like my body language, hand gestures, eye contact, and tone of voices that convey the message from me to the audience. As a matter of fact, I cannot hold eye contact with the person for longer than 5 seconds as any longer I will feel unease. In terms of strength, I am much more confident in doing hands on as there is no need for eye contact at all, and I have been helping my father to build some furniture and fixing stuff since young.
Before the end of this course, I would really love to improve myself on the way I present and my communication skills. Nevertheless, I hope I can improve my english language and continue to learn new words on the way.
Yours sincerely,
Lam Chi Yang
TLM1010 Group 1
Hello Chi Yang,
ReplyDeleteGreat content and you were clear on your reason to pursue your degree in Telematics.
However there some errors and points that you could look into:
1. Spelling error in first paragraph "Telematics" instead of "Telamatics"
2.You should have written "end" instead of "ending" in the sentence "at the ending of my National Service ...."
3.You could elaborate more on your strength.
Dear Haziq,
DeleteI have edited it, hope you enjoyed it.
Warmest regard,
Chi Yang
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Chi Yang,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this fairly detailed, honest reflection. I appreciate the way you explain openly why you have taken up this telematics course, though I'm surprised by the revelation that there are no jobs in the fields that you studied. You also share that you were in the Naval Diving Unit. I assume you have a very high level of diving skills. Was diving instructing not of interest to you?
You also touch on each of the other points required for the assignment with quite a bit of detail. I appreciate, for example, your feeling that you can improve some of your presentation skills with this module. We will certainly address those.
It's also important for you to consider language use, whihc is problematic in a number of the paragraphs in this letter:
1. sentence structure
-- I have decided to pursue a course that is much more specific on an area with a little bit of background knowledge from my Diploma like Telematics as it has a way to communicate with vehicle around it to make it autonomous and ensuring the safety of the people around it. > (verbose/too much detail, lack of clarity: Who has background knowledge?)
--
2. phrases/word forms
-- can reduced > (wrong verb form)
-- the amount of traffic accident > the number of traffic accidents (count nouns require number rather than amount/ see https://grammarist.com/usage/amount-number/)
-- On the side note > On a side note
-- one of my weakness > (one among many) ?
-- tone of voices > many?
-- I cannot hold eye contact with the person for longer... > the person? which person? When you use 'the', that denotes that you already have mentioned the person.
-- more confident in doing hands on > (hands on what? You must explain.)
Many of the problems seem to involve word usage. (Can I assume that you spoke Mandaring as a child when young?) In any case, we will address that to some degree, but the best medicine is simply to read as much as ppssible in English and generaly use the language more often.
I look forward to working with you this term.
Cheers,
Brad